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Friendship Networking versus Social Networking

By Billy Kidd - Sep 21st, 2008 at 11:46 pm EDT

Somebody wanted the bottom line on social networking. You know, I’m supposed to be the shrink with the answers. So, okay. Social networks keep a person in touch with people who can turn them onto new ideas, get them the job, or invite them to another country. A social network might even get you a text message on whom to get a hold of for a hookup or a danger date. If you take it all very seriously, you might be so concerned with staying in touch with everyone in your network that you upset your homeostatic inner balance and become ill.

It takes energy to push a network for your own ends. That is what stresses a person’s physical immune system until it’s out of whack. There is only so much energy in a system. A body’s energy devoted to a large social network is compensated for by taking energy from the immune system. The psychological system gets drained too. So, if you find yourself drained at the end of the day, and not really feeling satisfied, check to see if you’ve over-extended your social network.

A friendship network is different. The 21st century friendship network offers emotional support. It allows for bonding experiences that, added to the nuclear family bonding, help you deal with your anxieties and stressors. Modern life is all about chronic anxiety and stress. This raises the cortisol stress hormone level, and this attacks the hippocampus. The hippocampus under cortisol fire stops rejuvenating (neurogensis, or regrowth) and this makes a person have a slow-to-act or confused memory. Stress, if chronic, makes you stupid, but you can just keep going and going on caffeine and not think about it. Friendship compensates for all this if it is intimate, honest, and emotionally supportive, allaying anxieties and stress. So, hey, high-functioning people have high-functioning friendship networks. High-achieving people have large social networks. That's the difference between the two.

So, what about the concept of being friends and lovers too in a common friendship network? Anybody?

Billy

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How do I deal with unwanted attention at school?

By Ms CYPRAH - Jul 10th, 2008 at 7:07 pm EDT

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Q. This boy at school seriously has a huge crush on me. He catches up to me in the hallways and keeps talking to me. He also pretends he needs the homework so he could find an excuse to sit near me at lunch. What's most annoying is that he gets mad if I talk to other guys and keeps instant messaging me. I don't know how to tell him to leave me alone without hurting his feelings. What should I do?

A. You cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs so you have to accept that you ARE going to hurt his feelings whatever you do, unless you accept his attentions. Nobody likes rejection of any sort and he will be no different. So decide what matters to you most: not hurting him, or getting him off your back, because it will affect what you say, and you can't have both. You are not responsible for him getting mad. he is solely responsible for his reactions. Moreover, if he was mature enough for a relationship, he would be taking things more in his stride and not getting upset about your friends.