Organizing for America | Linnaeus Journal: Grasshopper Tales

Grasshopper Tales

By Paul from Magnolia, AR - Aug 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm EDT

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I received one of the "funny" right-wing propaganda stories, so I added a corrected version.

TRADITIONAL VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

FOX NEWS VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome. Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Turn off FOX News!

REALITY VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building a house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Unfortunately for the ant, the grasshopper was born into a rich family, and steals the next presidential election; eventually, the grasshopper is coronated King George II by a grasshopper controlled kangaroo court.

The grasshopper's buddies bribe members of Congress to create laws which protect their fortune, while taxing the poor through the hidden taxation of a massive and expanding national debt.

The grasshopper, who owns the media, propagates lies about a foreign country, deceiving the ants into invading that country, so that the grasshoppers can steal their oil.

The puppet Congress redirects all government spending into no-bid contracts to companies which rip off the government while building slip-shod "troop-support" facilities (which electrocute army ants) in the foreign country. This further enriches the grasshopper.

The puppet Congress deregulates the housing market, so that grasshopper buddies of the king grasshopper can become even richer on the backs of the unsuspecting poor ants. The ants, amazingly, have not caught on yet to the grasshopper scams, because they are being fed lies 24/7 on the grasshopper owned FOX news network.

The grasshopper controlled oil companies and banks triple the price of oil, which together with the astronomical grasshopper created national debt, force inflation through the roof. The ant has trouble making payments on the loan he took out to buy materials for his house.

With the deregulated housing market, the ant looses his home through foreclosure. The housing market crashes, and the puppet Congress bails out the rich grasshopper lenders, while the ant is left out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Wake Up!

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