Organizing for America | Mark Collins's Blog: The Big Man Cried

The Big Man Cried

By M. from Skokie, IL - Nov 8th, 2008 at 8:43 pm EST

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......ok, I'll try this again......For the past two days I have been trying to write something.... anything....but it seems that I always get choked up or lost in thoughts that don't translate to the written word.....but I'll give it another shot......... Many actors are trained to act "in the moment". That means being able to examine the script or scene and define each action or emotion as an individual moment to be played in its own way. A good actor can analyze the moments and string them back together with clear transitions and play the role. A great actor can do all of the above, add emotion....mix in a bit of mystery and the final ingredient....love..... and the result is a portrayal that is more than a character....the actor becomes that person..............that is my problem......the events on Tuesday,election night, are moments....dozens and dozens of moments that have been swimming around in my head fighting to be the prominent event....the one defining moment that identifies what an amazing evening it was for me. I am sure, after I sit down here a few more times and start pecking away at the keyboard, I will solidify many of these moments. Some I may send along....others I will read and export to my "they don't wanna read this" folder. I will try to share one with you........ In a crowd of about 150,000 people a big man broke down and cried like a baby...I was the big man..... There were many small moments before that occurred, but the direct moment before was when I heard the words: "Barrack Obama will be the next President of the United States." It was then that I discovered that there was a hole in my soul.... a hole that I never thought about.....never felt a pang from.....never knew existed....... but it was there...... It was a very sad emptiness....it was the knowledge that this country...the one where I was born and raised.... and have forever claimed as if it were my own possession didn't accept me..... It didn't accept me because I was Black........... The facts of it's non-acceptance quickly became way too clear....it has been written in the history books that I have read for years....it has been on television since I was old enough to watch.....it has been in the stories told to me by my mother and father and grandmother and grandfather and relatives.... stories of separate drinking fountains and having to get food from the back of restaurants.... stories of gathering the scrap pieces of meat tossed out the back door of packing plants as if they were manna ...stories of making sure you were out of certain towns before the sun went down on your black ass...... Phrases like....."keep your place"..... "don't make them mad at you".... "just ignore it"....."go back to Africa" "your kind".... "you people"..."if you don't like it, leave"......"but you're different, you are a good one, not a real nigger like the other ones"........................all of this and more vividly and loudly swirled into my head and my ears like water bursting from a hundred fire hoses....rushing into my head from a hole in my soul that I never knew existed ............ I couldn't see anything....I couldn't hear anything........ except for: "You are not accepted here...you are only tolerated....you are tolerated. "........so the big black man broke down.......and cried like a baby....................................................but, thank god, that was just a moment in the scene of that evening. I am not sure when it happened or how long it took me to realize it but there were hands on me....arms around me.....and as my brain cleared I could see the wonderful faces of my friends who had accompanied me to the event.... saying words that I am sure would make me feel better if I could only hear them.......... but they were there.....and it was good The only thing I could hear came from within: "Now. At this time....at this place....at this moment you are whole. This is the Acceptance. The Acceptance must be both ways and this is where it begins." ........and the hole in my soul that I never knew was there rapidly filled with joy..................and I realized that the big man was crying because he was very, very happy.......The tears flowed from me........and from my friends ........and from the white man in front of me..........from the Middle Eastern looking man to my left........ and the goth girl behind him.........and the guy in the blue union jacket with the dirty fingers....... the girl with pink hair...the man in the brown tie....the three young black girlfriends...... the well put together older woman and her husband........the tears flowed from every face of every age and every color in that crowd of 150,000 people....... and in that crowd of 150,000 people that night , there were millions of real, genuine as-if-you were-my-brother-or sister hugs........ I think that was because we all realized something that I have based my life on.......that we all really are brothers and sisters........we belong to each other.................that this is indeed OUR country.......and that this time......at this moment....... the vast majority of us accept that this truly is The United States of America.......we are not playing characters any more.......we are real people........and we need that true acceptance of each other to be united.........................one of my sisters who I have never met before grabbed me and held me as if I were her own child....and as my hearing cleared I realized she was whispering in my ear, "Go ahead and cry baby. You're happy so you just go ahead and cry."........................I still am.............................m.

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By Unknown user Nov 8th 2008 at 8:58 pm EST (Updated Nov 8th 2008 at 8:58 pm EST)

ONE OF THE BEST BLOGS OF ALL TIME..LOVE YA MY BROTHER..THANKS MUCH FOR THAT !

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By kenji7 Nov 9th 2008 at 4:44 am EST (Updated Nov 9th 2008 at 4:44 am EST)

Very moving post Mark! Thank you for sharing that.

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