By the time of the Kerry Edwards campaign in 2004, I was pregnant again. I attended one of the first rallies after Kerry announced his choice of Edwards as a running mates. The sunburn I received at that rally was particularly painful because my ObGyn insisted on taking my blood pressure on top of it and then placed me on bed rest because of my elevated blood pressure. That was just one of many complications in what proved to be a problematic and high-risk pregnancy but I would do it all again in a heart beat. My only regret from that time was that because of the restrictions placed on me by a difficult pregnancy, recovery from a surgical delivery, and life with a newborn, I did not feel able to be involved with the campaign in the ways that I would have liked. Ultimately, I probably made a few hundred phone calls as the time for the election drew close, but I would have liked to have done so much more. The grief that I felt when Bush won re-electin was not unlike the grief I experienced during and after my miscarriage. I felt as though Hope, not just my hope, but the concept of hope, nad been battered and trampled.
It's an odd form of symetry. When I was dealing with the loss of our child, activism for a cause that I felt strongly about carried me through my personal darkness. When I felt that the forces of evil had triumphed and that hope was battered and broken in the process, the work of caring for my daughter helped me focus on life. (ok, I'm watching Hellboy as I type this and I'm sure that contributes to the cosmic feelings of ultimate good and evil)
I've been at the local campaign offices 3 times this week. The first time to drop off something from the campaign office wishlist that I was able to offer. The second time, yesterday, to work a volunteer shift entering data into the computer. And today, more data entry. When I decided to go in today, I thought that I was doing it because I wanted to be around to get a ticket for the Obama townhall meeting being held tomorrow. What I realized when I got there was that I don't need to see him, to bask in his presence, to keep working for him and trying to get him elected. I think that, maybe, I'm better off if I manage to remain a little less invested in Barack Obama. If I can retain posession of one or two of my hopes, rather than pinning them all on him, this can all be part of a continuing process of working toward the greatest good rather than a drive toward a calendar date that will be either celebrated or mourned.
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