I am alone. I just want to know what it is that I can’t seem to get right. I cannot make a relationship work. Love, to me, is stepping out from the bushes into the most beautiful view you have ever seen, only to find out you have stepped off the edge of a cliff and are now plunging to your imminent demise.
I live, I love, yet I am alone. I seek, I find, yet I am alone. I struggle on without shame or pity; the world’s problems are far bigger than anything I could burden them with, yet I am alone.
I do not choose to be alone. I flirt, and engage. Yet I rarely get a response. Then, once in a while, I do get a response. And it fills my soul with a passion not rivaled by Mars. I push it further; perhaps I don’t push it far enough. But I expect a self-respecting woman to put in her fair share of the work.
Something happens every time that I cannot explain. I recognize it, yet I can’t make out it what it is. I try to stop it, yet I know it can’t be stopped. The Great Cosmic Reality offers no protection against this rampaging demon.
What is this love they tell me about? What is this fairy tale that is the true leading cause of divorce? How do I combat its evil, destructive power? What can I do to make them realize the power of true, lasting love? Monogamy is a fraud to all but the hopeless.
I still believe in the noble qualities; honesty, fairness, willingness to confront and overcome one’s demons, trust, empowerment, sacrifice, generosity. But they don’t seem to impress anyone.
Do I expect too much? I don’t expect anything. I hope for the best. But, after a fortnight or two, she always comes to realize she doesn’t want to be with me. Why? What have I done to be burdened by this curse?
I am alone and for strength I give my love to the world.
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