What the Primary Taught Us
by Tim Whitaker
Hillary lived in Scranton as a little girl … as a little girl … as a little girl … as a little girl.
When describing Philadelphia politics, the out-of-town media will always mention the time Santa Claus was hit by a snowball at an Eagles game.
The same out-of-town media will also note with derision that “street money” is one of Philadelphia’s oldest political traditions.
It’s clear now, thanks to Colbert, that the Ben Franklin creep has become our unofficial mascot.
Ed Rendell’s humongous appetite is surpassed only by the humongous amounts of TV airtime he gets.
A political certainty: Given the chance, Chris Matthews will always kiss up to “Eddie” Rendell on Hardball.
The sound quality of bullhorns attached to car roofs to urge people to vote hasn’t improved since 1957.
We get it: It’s the western suburbs, stupid.
“South Philadelphia’s Ninth Street Italian Market isn’t as Italian as it used to be,” began one Pennsylvania primary wire story as though it were 1997.
Fact of political life: Mark Segal will always find a way to seek publicity for himself.
Mayor Nutter gets nerdier by the hour.
Every Pennsylvania primary season Terry Madonna becomes a household name. The rest of the year, he’s “Terry who?”
All it took was watching Larry King interview Stephen Colbert to know the CNN host is now officially one can short of a six-pack.
Every single Pennsylvanian can now cite the Carville-ism: “Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between.”
It would appear both Democrats running for president have made the same unspoken assessment: Joey Vento has cooties.
Whistle-stop tours are cool. They look especially pretty in the countryside.
Richard Mellon Scaife, multimillionaire owner of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, once accused the Clintons of murder. Last week he endorsed Hillary. Lesson: Old rich people are scarier than polygamists.
Pigs fly! Best we can tell, Brian Tierney didn’t get his picture taken with either of the candidates.
FYI: The following five random facts about Pennsylvania were revealed in a recent AP story about the election: 1) There are 7.7 million acres of farmland between Philly and Pittsburgh; 2) the state’s steel, coal and railroad industries have atrophied, contributing to the slowest population growth of any major state; 3) 15 percent of the state’s population is over 65 (only Florida and West Virginia have a higher percentage of seniors); 4) 82 percent of the state’s population is white, compared to 66 percent of the nation; 5) and 46 percent of the state’s voters are gun owners.
OMG, Chelsea can talk! And she likes gay bars!
People in Philly don’t give a shit if you’re good at bowling. People in Shamokin do.
Bob Brady’s got the biggest cranium in the Western world.
Thanks to ABC, the Constitution Center will now always be the joint where that shameful debate took place.
It’s official. There are no Republicans left residing in Philadelphia. None.
Allyson Schwartz. Hillary Clinton. Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky. Those names must be said together. As if it’s an antediluvian chant.
Bob Casey is high. Definitely. No one totally straight-talks like that.
If Obama wolfed down two cheesesteaks in succession, they’d have to rush him to Hahnemann.
This from Monday’s NYT: “Philadelphia is a living museum of American history, where the political machine, though it wheezes and gasps, still functions much as it did 100 years ago.” Oy.
The most disturbing reportage of the primary—a Hillary appearance in West Philadelphia—was posted on a CBS website: “The dancers spun around the floor as Clinton bobbed up and down in place. The famous song by James Brown played in the background, ‘we’re gonna have a funky good time, we’re gonna take you hiiiiiigher’ at which point Clinton waved her hands in the air. Clinton, who has not danced publicly throughout this campaign, and often makes fun of her singing abilities, briefly let loose. She kicked her legs to the beat of the music and moved her shoulders from side to side.”
Will Bunch’s scathing open letter to Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos on hisDaily News blog following the debate elicited 207 comments.
When an enlightened orator addresses 35,000 Philadelphians on a balmy spring evening, it feels good to be alive.
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