Fallen Hero

Unknown user — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 23:47:43 EDT

Joshua E. Barber

1977 – 2008

Joshua served on active duty with the Army from 1999 to 2006 and transferred to the Army Reserves where he served until 2008. Joshua went to Iraq September of 2004 and returned October 2005. Josh, who’s MOS was 92G/Cook while in the Army had to become a 50 cal gunner while he served in Iraq. When he returned home his unit was relocating to Germany, since Josh had only a few months left on active duty he extended his contract and was transferred to the Army Reserves. Since Josh’s return he has battled with depression and was getting help from the VA. He had such a hard time getting his claims completed that at one point we contacted Congressman Baird out on Vancouver, WA. To this day his claims are still not completed. He was awarded 10% disability at first and then after we contacted Congressman Baird’s office he was awarded 30% more for his PTSD bringing his total disability to 40%. When Josh transferred to the Army Reserves he was required to have a physical. His physical was completed in 2006, but he was not notified of the results until 2007 right before his ETS date. His physical kept him from re-enlisting and he was told that he could not extend to get a medical chapter. Josh tried to get back into the Army in 2008 so he could be transferred to the Warrior in Transition Clinic at Fort Lewis to get the medical attention he needed, but not one unit would take the responsibility to do the paper work necessary to make this happen. Congressman Baird’s office had us fill out a release and submitted paper work to the Army with no response.

Josh was unable to live with the fact that he might have taken innocent lives while he was a 50 cal gunner in Iraq. He also blamed himself for one of his First Sergeants getting killed on a mission that he was unable to go on. Josh was there when the suicide bomber attacked the dinning facility and he had to guard the facility for a week after and escort CID, FBI, and all other investigating agencies into the facility during this time. Josh would tell me that all he could remember was the smell of death. These stories are just a few of many that Josh was forced to live with since his return. Josh was unable to bare the pain any more.

August 24, 2008, Josh went missing. I found a note in my kitchen stating I love, don’t blame yourself, sorry. I panicked, called my girlfriend, Lydia and she came over to my house. Justin, Lydia’s husband, and a good friend to Josh, went out to look for him. I called 911 that took a report to have a Lacy police officer call me back. An officer from the Lacy police department called me back about 10 minutes latter and took my statement. I told him that Josh was suicidal, he had taken every gun from the house, and we needed to locate him. The officer stated that they could only do an attempted to locate. The next morning, Monday, August 25, 2008, Josh still had not returned home and I went to work. I was upset to learn that Josh did not make it to work that morning. I called his supervisor and stated that he had a family emergency and he would not be in today. I went home early and noticed that Josh had been home to shower, but he was still not there. I wrote Josh a love letter and hung it in the bathroom on the mirror and I also hung a note in the garage on the door to ask him to call his friends. I went to work the next morning, Tuesday, August 26, 2008 and was still upset so I only stayed for half a day. I called his supervisor and stated he would not be in again and made an appointment with his manager to start FMLA paperwork. I told them he was battling depression and that he would need some time off. I did not tell them he was missing, because I wanted to protect his job. I went to the VA and met with his doctor, Dr. Olsen and his social worker, they were very helpful. I returned home that evening and still no Josh. I went back to work on Wednesday, August 27, 2008. I was called into my supervisor’s office around 0800 and was told that there had been a suicide in the parking lot. I knew it was Josh, or at least I felt it was him. My supervisor, SSG Genzel escorted me to the provost marshal office and we were told to wait on the hallway. After a few minutes the chaplain arrived and a female, whom I can’t remember her name, came out and escorted us to a small chapel in the hospital. The female had asked me on the way to the chapel, before I was even informed it was my husband in the parking lot, “When did you report him missing?” I stated, “Sunday.” Female asked, “Did you call Lacey police?” I stated, “Yes.” So I was now placed in this small chapel and forced to wait for about thirty minutes before anyone would confirm that it was indeed my husband dead in the parking lot. I finally had to demand that someone tell me if it was Josh, because all of our family is located on the east coast and I needed to call them. Shortly after a gentleman by the name of Sean Rafferty came in and confirmed that it was Josh in the parking lot. Mr. Rafferty told me that I would need to give a statement to one of his CID officers. Mr. Rafferty and the female left the chapel; the chaplain said a prayer and SSG Genzel took me back to my department. Shortly after I returned to my department the female arrived and took me back up to the provost marshal office so I could give a statement. I noticed that it was going on 0900 and I was hoping that this would not take long so I could just go home. I believe the name of the CID officer questioning me was Mr. Pechman. It was so hard to keep track of everyone and everything since I was not in the right state of mind. When the questioning started I was asked to state Josh’s full name, and our address. I am not sure if I can remember all of the questions, but several stand out to me. I was asked about his medical condition and if he was under medical care, about his depression and drinking, how our marriage was and if there were any marital affairs on either side, our financial problems if any, and if Josh had any enemies or would he hurt anyone. I stated that Josh was under the medical care of the VA for his PTSD and that he has had a hard time dealing with the fact that he killed people in Iraq. I also stated how the VA kept changing his medication and I don’t think they ever got it right so Josh would drink to help make it through. Josh did not drink everyday and he was not a mean drunk. Josh would never hurt me. We had no marital problems and never had any accusations of marital affairs. Our financial status was fine and we were not in debt over our eyeballs. I did tell the officer that I would be in debt now, because with suicide insurance does not pay, and with Josh the major bread winner of the family I will not be able to pay my mortgage. The officer asked me how I would be in debt, because I would be eligible for SGLI and I told him no, my husband was not in the military anymore. Josh had no enemies and liked everyone he worked with. He was denied a permanent position on several occasions by one individual, but he went to CPO and filed a complaint and was just placed in a permanent position this summer. Throughout the questioning the officer kept leaving the office and going into the other room where I could overhear everything that was going on. Who ever he was discussing the case with was very unprofessional and they were very inappropriate. My mother had called and asked one of my colleagues Jeannie, to come and help me, but CID refused to let her in. This questioning continued until around 1300. I was so tired, still trying to grasp the fact that my husband was deceased, and not even offered a break for something to eat. The questioning finally finished a little after 1300. The CID officer then informed me that they would like to come to my house to collect evidence. I was not sure what evidence they were meaning and I did not want many people in my house. The CID officer informed that they wanted to collect the notes and that it would only be him and two other officers. I said sure you could come and get the notes. I talked to SSG Genzel and he drove me home and my girlfriend Lydia met us there. The CID officers followed us to my house. SSG set ground rules for the officers and told them that they could not just walk around my house without me with them. When we pulled in my driveway I noticed that my upstairs bedroom window was closed the blind was pulled open and the light was on. I knew someone had been in my house. We entered through the garage and I noticed more items out of order. I started to get excited thinking Josh had come home. The offices told no Mrs. Barber he has not. My laptop had been opened and turned on, the closet door in the guest bedroom had been opened, the back gate to my house had been broken, the sliding screen door was opened, lights were left on in my office, the note that Josh had left me was moved, and most of all a personal item in my shred bin had been left by my laptop. This item was a leave and earning statement dated from 2003. One if the CID officers found a business card from the Lacey Police Department Patrol Officer Gene Powers stating we were here to check on you. The CID officers walked through my house and collected the notes; they also wanted to go to the store to purchase a camera to take photos of the ammunition Josh had left behind. I told them no. I told them they were not going to portray my husband as a gun slinging mad man, and one officer stated that all military men have a gun in every room including him. I felt that my privacy had been invaded, not to mention my husband gone. How much can a person endure in one day? Before the CID officers left I was made to sign a blank form regarding the truck that my husband shot himself in and all the evidence in the truck. I stated that I did not want the truck back, but the CID officer told me that I would be contacted regarding the truck and all the items in it. They would discuss the truck and the items with me before they would do anything with them. I was also told there would be an itemized list with all the items in the truck on it. Before they left I was asked to let them take my computer and I told them no. They wanted to see who Josh was sending emails to, but I told them he does not use my computer. Finally they left and my mother and stepfather came into town late that evening. Then the real nightmare began.

Thursday, August 28, 2008. My mother, stepfather, my friend Lydia, and I had several appointments to attend. When we went to leave my house one of the CID officers was pulling in front. I did not understand why he came all the way from Fort Lewis without even a phone call to sign a form. I had found out that CID called Lacey Police and had them enter my house the day before and questioned this officer about that. When I questioned him he became angry and sarcastic with me. I told him to leave. We then started our appointments with the VA first. We met with Josh’s doctor, Dr. Olsen, and social worker, Timoteo D. Yepes. This appointment went very well. The VA has stated they will take full responsibility for Josh’s suicide, because this was related to his disability, but that does not bring him back. The paperwork alone is intimidating. So after we left the VA we had an appointment at Madigan Army Hospital with Sean Rafferty after we informed him how upset we were about the officer coming to my house. My family also wanted to know how the investigation was going. Sean Rafferty and another CID officer, the one who questioned me met us around 1330. Mr. Rafferty stated that he wanted to commend me on how well I was handling the loss of my husband, that he had never seen anyone act this way. He also told me that He had been to Bosnia, Somalia, Black Hawk Down, and many other combat zones worse than my husband. So does this make him a better man? Mr. Rafferty also told me that the truck had been moved to the evidence area, and everything in the truck had been bagged and tagged as evidence. He also had nineteen people working on this case until 0100 or 0200. Mr. Rafferty and the CID officer with him slipped and stated that Josh had shot himself at 0737. I asked them how this could be when the body was found at 0715. They said that it happened on Monday, August 25, 2008 and not found until Wednesday, August 27, 2008. He wanted to make sure they did a thorough investigation because this was not the cleanest site he had seen and it was an unusual case. Mr. Rafferty also said this case could take up to thirteen weeks before he would have all the final answers. Before we completed this meeting we were told that there would be an itemized list with everything in the truck so we could go over the items before CID did anything with them. I told him since this was not a clean site that anything unable to be sanitized I did not want back. Once again I was assured that I would be contacted before anything was done. I also suggested that if this ever happened again to please be more considerate when interviewing the victim, because of the fact I could hear everything going on in the next room. Our next meeting was with a grief counselor, Beverly Smith. She went over what to do with the financial institutions, death certificates and other important issues regarding the truck and donations. She also informed us about a memorial that they would be holding in memory of Josh. We were going into a holiday weekend, so it was hard for family members to arrive in a timely manner and also difficult to contact most financial institutions. Mrs. Smith was very helpful and informative. One more busy day complete.

Friday, August 29, 2008. The morning started with finding a funeral home to plan Josh’s cremation. I called the one the VA recommended only to find out you had to pay them and submit the VA paper work for reimbursement yourself. I called another funeral home and they were not very friendly. The third time is the charm, I guess, because this phone call let me meet a wonderful person. I called Forest Funeral Home and Cemetery in Olympia, WA and spoke with Andrew Kill. Andrew scheduled an appointment with my family and me at 1300. I called the Pierce County Coroner and found out that Josh’s autopsy was complete and he was ready for pickup. We went to meet with Andrew to make the arrangements and while we were there Josh arrived. Andrew went to view Josh for us and stated that we could have had an open casket ceremony if we wanted to. It was a gun shot wound to the head and was very clean. We arrived home I checked my mail only to find letter addressed to Josh and I from a towing company. When I opened the letter it was an invoice from Emerald Towing dated August 28, 2008 for the truck being towed on August 27, 2008. I did not understand why the truck had been towed from Fort Lewis to Spanaway the day before our meeting with Mr. Rafferty, when he clearly stated that he would provide an itemized list with the truck and all of its belongings before he would do anything with them. Now I am stuck with a towing bill and daily storage fees. My mother called the tow company and asked them about the towing and a gentleman by the name of Scott told my mother that I have insurance use it, and that there were items left in the truck. My mother ended the conversation with Scott and I called Mr. Rafferty leaving him a message about the truck being towed. Mr. Rafferty called back a short time latter and stated that the truck was not evidence and the items in the truck were not sanitized; besides Kelly stated that she did not want the truck back or any items not sanitized. Mr. Rafferty said he would work on the bill and send one of his men out to retrieve the items. We also called Mrs. Smith so we could make arrangements for the memorial and print obituaries. We wanted to have the memorial on Wednesday, September 3, 2008 at 1300. Mrs. Smith checked the chapel and called back to confirm that would be fine. So, one more stressful day finally over.

Saturday, August 30, 2008. Mr. Rafferty called to say that his boss would not authorize them to go to the truck to retrieve the items that we would need to get them ourselves. I was so upset about this and wondered how my family would get into the truck without the keys. I then spoke with Mr. Rafferty about this and he stated “well the window has been blown out mam.” I then asked why the truck was towed and Mr. Rafferty stated the truck and he items in it were not evidence. So I guess I don’t understand how one day the truck and the items are evidence, the next day they are not? I also questioned the keys to the truck and Mr. Rafferty stated “you said nothing was of immediate importance so that is why we did not give you the keys back.” Why were the keys not left with the truck? I could not take the lies anymore so I lost it and called Mr. Rafferty a few choice words. How can someone be so cold to someone when they are trying to plan a funeral? I then took a step back and stated to Mr. Rafferty that we should both be adults and admit that we all made mistakes along the way. I, myself, not in the right state of mind and CID not making themselves clear. Mr. Rafferty stated “we’ve done nothing wrong mam.” At this point I now understood that CID would do nothing to help me only to hurt me so I ended the conversation. How many more days like this must I endure? My stepfather and mother in-law paid $78.00 to go out to the truck and retrieve the items from it. When my stepfather went to the truck he noticed how clean it was and that the items in the truck were in fact sanitary so he brought them back to the house. The tow truck company sent a gentleman by the name of Bruce to meet my stepfather and mother in-law and he stated that he was there when the truck was brought in and was amazed at how clean the truck was.

Sunday, August 31, 2008. We talked to Mrs. Smith about the obituaries and everything was still a go for Wednesdays memorial services so I wrote the obituaries and had pictures made for the services.

Monday, September 1, 2008. I completed book markers with Josh’s photo for the memorial services and completed the obituaries. We needed to have the obituaries turned in the next day in order for them to get published in Wednesday’s paper.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008. I contacted my insurance company and they had the truck towed from Emerald Towing, and billed CID for everything. My family and I went to the funeral home to place all the obituaries and order other items. When we returned home we were notified that the memorial services had been moved to Thursday at 1400 instead of Wednesday at 1300, or they would have to be at Madigan Chapel. I was upset because I had placed the obituaries and notified people about the memorial scheduled for Wednesday and I did not want to have a memorial service in the same place my husband shot himself. It is hard to go back to Madigan wondering what parking lot of the hospital my husband sat in for three nights before he was found. Mrs. Smith called me and I told her that we would not participate in the memorial services because family members had to return home and they could not change their flight reservations again. My mother was up to her limit and contacted Senator Sherrod Brown’s office and then a miracle; the services were back on for Wednesday, but now at 1400. We could live with this change. Another stressful day thanks to the US Army.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008. Prior to the services it was my responsibility to make arrangements to get family members onto Fort Lewis. I contacted several soldiers that I work with and made arrangements for them to car pool family from out side the Madigan gate and I drove myself with family members in my vehicle. I think they could have at least provided transportation from my house to the services and back so I would not have to drive. When we arrived at the chapel they placed Josh’s urn and picture on a stool in front of the chapel. I told my mother that look bad and we moved a table from the back of the chapel to fix the display. I also provided Josh’s wishes for his service, but the sound did not work so they did not abide by them. We were placed in a quiet room until the services were about to begin. While waiting several officers came to express their sympathy and among them was COL Place, the second in command at Madigan Army Hospital. My mother and I started to express our feelings regarding the treatment we had received from Mr. Rafferty and all the CID individuals involved in this case. The minute my mother mentioned news, COL Place said please give me a chance; I have a busy schedule so call my office to schedule an appointment. When the memorial was about to start we were all escorted into the chapel and seated in the front on the opposite side of the chaplain. With the sound not working we could not hear a thing. He also focused on all of the officers seated in front of him. I thought the family was supposed to be included in the services. Josh’s co-workers were very moving and it was great to see how much people cared for Josh.

Thursday, September 4, 2008. My mother called and schedule and an appointment with COL Place for Friday, September 5, 2008. Col Place’s secretary scheduled us for 1130 so we would have enough time to address every issue.

Friday, September 5, 2008 we met with COL Place and I started from the beginning, like I did with this statement. It seemed like COL Place was interested in what I was saying. He looked like he was taking notes when I mentioned how Josh had tried to get back in the military so he could get medical help with his peers. He was able to answer questions regarding how the truck looked, and he also confirmed how clean it was. Col Places also stated that this was an unusual case, because of all the weapons my husband had with him, and they did not want another Virginia Tech. He also said that Mr. Rafferty wanted to make sure that Josh was not working with anyone else. So why did they not contact all of his close friends? COL Place was amazed that Mr. Rafferty told us that this was not the cleanest site he had ever seen. He also stated that the window on the passenger side had been broken out by the EMT to check Josh’s vital signs, not blown out like Mr. Rafferty had stated. COL Place told us he never met Mr. Rafferty, but has only talked to him by phone. COL Place also stated that Mr. Rafferty was a Chief Warrant Officer in the Army, but has not confirmed that. I notice that COL Place became very agitated at the fact I kept stating you guys and how much mental anguish I was suffering from the treatment I was receiving from the military. He wanted me to clarify that I meant CID and not Madigan. I told him it was in fact CID and the provost marshal located at Madigan. They played a big role in the beginning if the investigation and contacted Lacey Police to enter my house. I found out by a neighbor that Lacey Police arrived at my house around 0930. Why was Lacey Police contacted by Madigan when I was giving my statement? COL Place had no answer. Col Place then asked what he could do to help. I told him I wanted a copy of the itemized list from the truck and I wanted everything back that was in the truck. My husband, Josh, who was an avid gun collector, had all of his guns with him. I know every gun he had, including make and model. I also stated that I would like help relocating back to our home of record, Florida and possibly help with a government transfer. COL Place looked at me questioning how he could help with this. I know the government can move people back to their home of record and also play a role in transfers. He said he would check into all of this and get back to us. My mother asked for a time frame and he was unable to give us one.

My mother has contacted the Lacey Police to receive a copy of the report for when they entered my house, but they have not returned her call.

The coroner singed off on the final death certificate, so CID should have their case finalized soon. I also want to know how the military can cover this up and treat individuals without any regard to their feelings. I want things to change for the soldiers coming home and the ones already home seeking help. I do not want another family to suffer the loss and go through this mental anguish like I have.

The Army or the VA has not helped in any way. It has been a constant struggle since this has happened. I asked the Army if they would help me relocate back to Florida and they have denied my request. The VA has not helped me with any paperwork. How do you get any help?

Kelly Barber's Blog

Fallen Hero