adr's OBAMA GOSSIP AND RUMORS BLOG

THE VEEPSTAKES

Ryan — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:44:29 EDT

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN FROM ILLINOIS will annouce his VICE PRESIDENTIAL PICK first and foremost to his million+ supporters via TEXT MESSAGE. Though this is decidedly WHIPS, it will likely cause phone companies to reconsider offering an unlimited text message plan during his presidency.

THE CELEBRITY OF OBAMA

Ryan — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 01:42:41 EDT

SENATOR MCCAIN compared HARVARD EDUCATED CHICAGO LAW-TEACHING SENATOR OBAMA to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in a recent television commercial. This is weird cause those bitches are clearly dumb.

THE SENATOR and PEPSI

Ryan — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:20:26 EDT

During his recent ECONOMIC SUMMIT, Senator Obama met with a number of key economically inclined AMERICANS, including the CEO of PEPSI, rather than Coke. This is because there is no more FREEDOM oriented fast food outlet than the KENTACO HUT (those where the KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut menu's are available in the same place from the same counter) and you can ONLY GET Pepsi there. Plus, he's so ACES that he freaks people outlike PEPSI CLEAR.

THE GERMANS AND OBAMA - GOSSIP

Ryan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 12:17:02 EDT

The GERMANS favor OBAMA not because he does not dismiss them as OLD EUROPE or because his name is fun to say in a German accent, but because they think he can be convinced to permanently pull HOGAN'S HEROS and its awful stereotypes off the air.

RUMOR: THE SENATOR FROM ILLINOIS AND THE MIDDLE EAST

Ryan — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:48:05 EDT

SENATOR BARACK OBAMA has a secret plan for PEACE in the MIDDLE EAST that involves JEWS, MUSLIMS, TRUST, HIGH STAKE TEXAS HOLD-EM and contrasting photographs of SENATOR MCCAIN scowling around in a golf cart.

RUMOR: OBAMA and TOBY KEITH

Ryan — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:16:10 EDT

PRESIDENT OBAMA will likely award TOBY KEITH the PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF SONGWRITING FREEDOM provided he agree to never write another song about America again. Ever.

OBAMA and THE PENNY - RUMOR

Ryan — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 14:07:44 EDT

BARACK OBAMA will most likely NOT eliminate the dubiously valued penny from our NATIONAL currency of FREEDOM. This is because OBAMA believes in all change, no matter how small.

OBAMA and DRINKING RUMOR

Ryan — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:50:34 EDT

BARACK OBAMA is not the sort of guy you'd like to have a beer with. This is because SENATOR OBAMA will drink you under the table and at the end of it you'll feel silly cause you thought he was a wine sipping NAMBY PAMBY and you'll wake up hungover and see him on FOX NEWS declaring an end to TERROR.

Obama and Energy

Ryan — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:27:54 EDT

BARACH OBAMA'S presidential limousine will be so FUEL EFFICIENT that people who ride BICYCLES will feel guilty about their carbon footprint.

Rumor about Barack Obama's Faith

Ryan — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:44:48 EDT

Barack Obama's FAITH is so STRONG that he will replace the secret service with a BIBLE in his shirt pocket.

Will they ever end?! ANOTHER Obama Rumor

Ryan — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:10:10 EDT

Senator BARACK OBAMA has a secret PATRIOTIC recipe for APPLE PIE so delicious that were it to fall into IRANIAN HANDS they would likely all become PRO AMERICAN overnight.

Still Another Barack Obama Rumor

Ryan — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:47:38 EDT

BARACK OBAMA had one of his legs removed and replaced with the FLAGPOLE that flew over GUADALCANAL.

Another New Rumor

Ryan — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 22:03:19 EDT

BARACK OBAMA does not have blood. His AMERICAN HEART pumps a PATRIOTIC mix of COCA COLA, BUDWEISER and the MISSISSIPPI RIVER.

Rumor of the Day

Ryan — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:58:27 EDT

BARACK OBAMA loves AMERICA so much that he will use his power of RE-ANIMATION to make JOHNNY APPLESEED the Secretary of Forestry.

Rumors we should be spreading.

Ryan — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:26:13 EDT

haha. Ok. I have a co-worker who is always sending along 'funny' political emails from the right. And though he has never sent me one about Obama, reading this article from Slate cracked me up because it followed the same template:

http://www.slate.com/id/2193798/

Personal favoriotes from this Chuck Norris Facts-style list include:

"Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG."

"Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL."

"Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT."

"Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME."

Actually, I could just copy and paste the whole thing. In the larger picture, why does this playful play-in to hyper patriotism come across as so funny? I mean, I consider myself a Patriot, and a proud citizen - so why is the idea of something or someone SO ultraAmerican laughable to me? Is in excess? Is it just derivative of the 'bathtub full of pudding' type of humor? I am going to go read it again, and no doubt enjoy it just as much the second time.

Refighting the Cultural Battles of the 60's

Ryan — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 11:33:49 EST

Note to self: Remind friends you speak with about this campaign that another reason to not vote for Senator Clinton is to move beyond the Baby Boomer's 60s cultural battles. Do we really want a campaign or another four years of leadership based on the Woodstock vs Vietnam dichotomy?

Voting in the Primary: HOW

Ryan — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:17:35 EST

I have voted in Texas Primaries in the past with out much consideration of the specifics of it, due mostly to lack of enthusiasm for the candidate and the reality that the nomination had already been nailed down. So it was a bit suprising to learn that we (Texas Democrats) have a two step process, there being both a primary vote and then a precienct caucus once the polls close. The Dallas South blog has the most succint description of the process I have read so far. Reccomended reading. Note to self, find out who my Obama precienct captain is and see if you can help somehow.