Tonight I lay awake, not in frustration, not upset, but attentive and excited.
Im watching the news feed, the constant blow by blow of the Inauguration of President Barack Obama. The inauguration of President Barack Obama. A phrase that strikes me every time Katie Kuric says it, I relish in it.
I feel like I have been waiting for that phrase a lifetime, but at the same time I feel caught unawares, as if I never thought that I would hear that phrase. I feel like in the back of my mind I feel like tomorrow I will wake up and it never happened, or if it did it, will be ruined by reality.
I say these things as a white, privileged, a young girl who is living in a very educated sect. I say these things knowing that I will never fully appreciate how those who have truly suffered feel. Those African Americans, those Asians, those Hispanics, who have seen Americas most shameful moments first hand, who really can appreciate the amazing leap, the great step forward America has taken. Those who really have waited all of their lives and to whom it has honestly seemed like this day would never come while they were awake.
Yes I do not want to sleep tonight, however for those who have seen the true highs of American potential, but also the worst and most unforgiving moments in its story, surely they will never want to sleep again, for fear of losing this moment, right now.
Out of all of the mostconfronting ideas that this election has brought to light for me personally isone that I did not expect. I am a very strongly opinionated person, to a fault,and as a result I find it extraordinarily difficult to empathise with otherswho posses contrasting opinions, failing to comprehend that there is a thinkingoutside of my own, right or wrong, that anyone could possibly, really and honestly feel that way. I have now been forced to face the notionthat as adamantly as I feel about a subject, as sure of my correctness I am, astruly positive I may be that I am in fact some how morally and intellectuallysuperior to those who disagree with me, as much as I insult them and call themnames belittling their intelligence, they might feel just the same about me. Theyare too so unmovably sure of their ideas. For whatever reason, be it apersonnel experience or the grapevine, they think differently to me.
Their headspace is notjust like mine.
They are not shirkingaway from how they really feel and know to be just to serve some minor purpose(like my irritation), that is whatthey really believe.
And there is no one tosay who is in the right. That is humbling. I may not be able to begin to comprehend the notions thatequate to their thinking (a problem im sure they face vice versa) but I mustrespect that they do feel that way that they are no more undeniably in thewrong (or right) as I.
Now I am also confronted unexpectedly withthe idea that there is no absolute right or wrong, in anything, not justpolitics. No opinion, no answer to any question, no matter who posses it orproposed it, is completely with out a doubt, 100% correct. There is no true force that has theright answer written on the back of a palm card waiting for some one to ringthe buzzer, to buy the right vowel or propose the perfect consonant. There is no grand prize at the end ofthe day accept for your own pride in your principals.
Though some people areundoubtedly racist and ignorant, I must comprehend that they feel that way, seethat that are people who really harbour those thoughts, and I must not think meundeniably right, even if no adequate thought or evidence to the contrary canbe provided, no matter who was voted president and who history hails, whosociety looks down on; there is no absolute right or wrong, no certain truthanything.
Not in anyway do I valueless my own Ideas, or doubt them, I am still passionately firm in my personnelbeliefs and interpretations of the world around me. I now have a more open mindto the idea that other peoples cogs turn in different directions, at leastacknowledging, if nothing more, that my thought process and personnelexperiences are not mutual to all or many for that matter. No matter how manyothers may or may not share my opinion, out side of maths class, there is noundeniably correct answer to any question.
The fruits of a Americas once lost and now found hope and democratic fighting spirit is realised today. America lost its pride and forgot its self, it forgot why millions of people spent their life savings, risking their lives to come here, it forgot why America came to the standing it has in the world and why America has always been the hub for change, the driving force behind liberty and justice for all. The principals that found this country, that bathe the constitution, were forgotten, America grew lazy, it grew passive and complacent, it took its self for granted assuming without question or evidence that it was the best country on earth, forgetting why that might have once been true.
Today I am reminded, the world is reminded.
Today those things can be said again. I am proud of my countrymen, I am proud of being an American, a phrase that I would not have ever considered saying with a straight face before in my life, because there was nothing to be proud of. My accent was not something I liked about my self, hoping everyday that it would vanish and I could cut my ties with my former state union.
I lost hope, I lost belief, condoning, frowning upon the beautiful idealism that gave my country life, I did not believe that hope was possible for a better future, I was not sure that it ever was, I did not comprehend the idea that a president could be a force for good, deserving respect, I was never aware of that idea beyond that screen of my television and martin sheen and jimmy smitts. I thought that I knew America and what it was really capable of, not what I was told it was capable of . I thought that that idea was just a television show, more perfect and beautiful then life.
But today I, like so many others are renewed. I, once endlessly cynical. I, who lost belief in a better future. I, who did not believe that I could so proud of my accent and the country that it comes from. I believe that things can be different, I belive that I can change things if I want to. I believe. I hope. I am dripping with the idealism that comes only to a teenager, I know this, but I like this, I feel fine, better then. I know that in the future I may see the world for what it really is again, but I also hope that what I see now can be what the world really is.
Even if President Barack Obama cannot deliver on any of his promises, America will still have gained more from him then we can ever thank him for. He reminded us who we are as a nation, he reminded what we stand for and has shown us that we can dream, that we can imagine and that we can hope.
